After a bit of a hiatus at the end of the year, I logged back onto Hinge and wow, I did not miss much.
I am a firm believer that Hinge users are typically cuter and less gross than Tinder users (this post is not sponsored, just a statement based on my own personal research) simply because you have to put a bit more effort into your Hinge profile and there isn’t any swiping. I don’t really have anything to back up the cuter part but it’s just a fact.
While there certainly seems to be a better selection (lololol) I still can’t help but find myself constantly screenshotting hilarious (and at times, disturbing) profiles and sending them to my friends.
There are some pretty standard dating profile “nopes” that guys do that I thought I would round up mostly with the purpose of having a good laugh because my audience is predominantly female but if you’re a dude and you’re reading this, you’re welcome. Stop doing this weird shit.
Tell me in the comments at the end of the post what other dating profile turn offs I missed ladies!
Enjoy!
SHIRTLESS MIRROR SELFIES
Now, in theory, I can see why they think this a good idea.
“I have an amazing body” is the message that comes through here, which yes, that’s very nice but because you showed me that via mirror selfie, it’s gonna be a no for me dawg.
There is just something so douchey about a dude being in his bathroom, taking off his shirt, FLEXING, and snapping a pic. Ew especially when their head is cut off! I never understand why dudes make their heinous headless shirtless pic their first photo but then continue to post other photos that do contain their faces. Do they think they’re so hot that we just can’t handle both their body and their face all in one shot??
It is always a swipe left for me (or in Hinge’s case, no message). If a guy wants to show off his abs, a fun pic of him at the beach with friends is the move. Never a mirror selfie. Get outta here with that.
NO BIO OR TOO SHORT OF A BIO
Now again, this is why Hinge is great. There are no “bios” but instead three ice breaker questions you get to pick and then answer so you can show your personality a bit. So the app kind of weeds out the dudes who don’t want to put in any effort at all.
But occasionally you will still see some lame 1-2 word answers. And don’t even get me started with the guys on Tinder who either don’t write anything at all or who just put “6’1” with a winky face.
Obviously we want to find a guy physically attractive, so his pics matter but girls also love to laugh. And I definitely can’t write some guy first if I have nothing from his profile to comment on.
No bio immediately screams fuck boy to me and to that I say, next!
“IF YOU’RE THIS, THEN DON’T SWIPE RIGHT”
I’m sorry, is that a threat or…?
Do you think you’re the Queen of England or…?
I hate hate hate when a guy’s profile has some sort of weird disclaimer like “if all you care about is height then swipe left” or “if you’re not the kind of girl to message first, swipe left”. Okay shorty, we get it. You’re insecure and are grasping for an ounce of control. It’s really not that serious.
Dating profiles should be light-hearted and fun, not filled with weird ultimatums to give people before you’ve even met them. All that tells me is that you’re a negative, close-minded person so no thaaaaanks!
GROUP PHOTOS OR PHOTOS WITH THE HOT FRIEND
This is so rude.
Group photos should be the LAST picture on your profile if you’re going to have them at all!
There is nothing more annoying than seeing a profile with a group photo or even just a photo with two guys and immediately singling out the guy you hope it is, only to swipe through to their next picture and realize that is NOT him.
They do it on purpose and honestly, it’s just kind of sad. Don’t hide behind your hot friend man. I have very cute friends but any pictures I post with them are few and far between and are the last ones you’ll see.
Post a photo of just you, that’s not 10 years old with your actual face, please. It’s not a lot to ask.
SUNGLASSES/BLURRY PICS
Listen, we have to give guys a little bit of a break because unlike us ladies, they don’t take pictures of themselves constantly. So I assume they have a harder time making their profiles and are often left digging through Instagram or Facebook for some oldies.
BUT. There are some photos that should just never be posted. One picture of you in sunglasses is fine. 5 is a no. Do you not have eyes? Why can’t I see them? Suspicious.
Same goes for weird blurry or grainy pics. What’s the point? I can barely see you and now I’m wondering if I’m getting catfished. Also, if your pictures are older than a couple of years or if you definitely DO NOT look like that anymore, let’s just not set ourselves up for disappointment, okay?
SHOWING THAT YOU’VE CLEARLY BEEN BURNED
LOL these profiles always crack me up. Hinge has a question about what you’re looking for in a partner and you would be surprised how many dudes write something like “someone who is actually honest and trust worthy” or “a girl who is more interested in building a strong relationship than in her phone”. Baggage is not sexy. Like morning breath, we all have it but it’s nice to keep it to ourselves in the beginning. Keep the romance alive. Create the illusion that you are not a broken person.
To me answers like that scream “I hate women and have massive trust issues and will be a huge nightmare to date” so I have no choice but to steer clear. Bye!
HINTING AT HOW MUCH MONEY YOU HAVE/MAKE
Oh god. Gag.
Obviously everyone likes to date someone successful. Duh. Being ambitious and also good with your money is attractive. But these are qualities I want to learn about later, not through your cheesy dating profile.
Dudes who post pictures of handfuls of cash (more common than you’d think), photos of themselves posing in front of fancy cars that most likely aren’t even theirs (why do they all do this???) and making awkward comments in their bios about “having more than enough in the bank” are NOT what we want!!
Honestly, it screams that you’re hyper focused on money which screams broke to me. Why are they overcompensating so much? Can you imagine if I posed with a fistful of cash while sprawling on a Porche?
Actually I feel like dudes would be pretty into that now that I think about it.
My point is that its gross behavior and I really could not care less about your account balance. Thannnnnks but no thanks.
LISTING “FITNESS” AS A QUALITY YOU’RE LOOKING FOR
I added this one at the last minute because my cousin pointed it out to me and it is SUCH a good point.
We’ve all seen the guys who post something about “looking for a gym buddy” or “I need a girl who’s as into a healthy lifestyle as me, but also loves tacos”. No, Brian, you’re looking for a girl who isn’t overweight and who maintains your unrealistic standard of beauty. Got it.
I believe the profile my cousin saw said something along the lines of “I want to find someone who is REALLY REALLY into fitness so we can both be REALLY REALLY into food”. Ew. Go home. No one likes you.
As a pretty healthy gal who DOES love tacos I also like to date people who take care of themselves but that shit isn’t going into my profile. I also would not place that at the top of my list of non-negotiables. It’s shallow and honestly a little creepy to list it. I feel like the guys who put this in their profiles are the same guys who interrupt girls during their workouts at the gym to correct their form.
Boy bye!
What are your top dating app red flags? Tell me in the comments below!
Xo,
She
