Happy National Best Friend Day!
I am a girl will multiple best friends (Bragging? Possibly.) who I have collected over the past few years (sounding very creepy rn) from work and college and random nights out. Two of them are related to me and by some miracle, we’re actually obsessed with each other and would be friends regardless of this whole blood thing. I feel so lucky to know so many fabulous women and honestly don’t know how so many people have allowed me to be in their lives for extended periods of time. I talk a lot. Like nonstop. And yet, they still keep me around. True friends! I am proud to say I have only surrounded myself with hilarious, intelligent, ambitious, driven women who make my life one that is filled with laughter and joy. Some of my besties are here in the Bay Area with me and some are across the country but the one thing they all have in common is that no matter the time or distance that stands between us they are there for me no matter what.
They have listened to my countless date horror stories, cheered me on when I made a huge career change, fed me pizza when I was suffering from a broken heart and they are ALWAYS down for gossip and wine. My friendship requirements are pretty much: 1. you must love wine 2. you must love gossip and 3. you must love food. The nights I look forward to the most are the ones that involve a few bottles of rosé, a few orders of fries and hysterical laughter as we discuss everything from work drama to our hopes and dreams.
In celebration of my fabulous best friends, I wanted to share a little bit of their humor and wisdom with you in regards to a topic that we all spend QUITE a lot of time discussing: romance.
I recently sent out a survey to my VIP list asking what were their top dating questions and boy did they deliver. I picked the 3 most popular and now for your reading pleasure, I will present you with dating advice from my best friends.
Enjoy the laughs, I know I did!
Q: What are the top 3 qualities every woman should look for in a partner?
A: Transparency- he should be able to communicate openly with you about what he wants, doesn’t want, and expects without being embarrassed or feeling like he needs to lie to you. There is something to be said about good timing or having discretion, especially in the early stages of a relationship, but open communication should be practiced from the get-go.
Confidence- which doesn’t mean cocky. In fact, quite the opposite. He should be secure with himself emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially to the extent that he doesn’t feel the need to prove anything to you or anyone else. But his self-love and self-care will show through naturally and provide a stable foundation for building a relationship with you.
Humor- being able to laugh with someone makes everything in a relationship easier. If you can save an awkward situation by cracking a joke, or say sorry in an uplifting and comfortable way it makes all the difference. Plus, laughing is such a fundamental way of saying you understand and appreciate someone. If you’re not able to laugh with someone, what’s the point?
Q: How do you avoid wasting time on idiots?
A: Before you start dating someone, take the time to actually understand what it is that you want and need from a relationship. Make a list of needs, wants, & deal breakers, and then stick to that list. The idea is to find someone that meets all of your needs, as many of your wants as possible, and NONE of your deal breakers. Don’t cheat yourself out of finding a great guy by looking the other way on the things that matter most to you.
Q: How do you approach a guy you find attractive first, without seeming desperate/annoying/creepy?
A: Feel it out with some attempted eye contact and smiling. If there is absolutely no response, then maybe don’t. But if you get even a little interaction (he might be taken by surprise) then just do it! Why do you want to approach him? Tell him that you find him extremely attractive. Is he wearing something that you identify with (e.g. band t-shirt, rare Jordans, jersey)? Crack a joke like, “Hey, can I ask you a completely hypothetical question? How would you want to be hit on by, say, a lady like me?” and then if he responds, go from there! And if it doesn’t work, then hey at least you’re a badass, independent woman who’s not afraid to pursue what she wants.
Q: What are the top 3 qualities every woman should look for in a partner?
A: Humor, kindness, and good communication skills/emotional intelligence.
Q: How do you avoid wasting time on idiots?
A: Unfortunately you can’t avoid idiots and will encounter them more often than not, but avoid trying to convince yourself that maybe they’re worth your time. It can be tempting because we all want a date to go well, but trust yourself, listen to your gut, and move on at the first sign of idiocy!
Q: How do you approach a guy you find attractive first, without seeming desperate/annoying/creepy?
A: Just be confident and be yourself! No matter what happens, there’s satisfaction in knowing you were brave. A guy who likes you will be flattered that you reached out. And worst case, if you get turned down it’s better to know sooner rather than later so you can move on to the next guy (who may or may not be an idiot. See above.).
Q: What are the top 3 qualities every woman should look for in a partner?
A: 1) Dependability. You want someone you can count on! Unless you don’t, and then you probably just want a fuck buddy, but you should be able to depend on those too!
2) Kindness. You want someone who’s nice to you. Don’t you? And not only are they nice to you, they’re nice to your friends and family. That’s key.
3) Hot af. Just kidding! But honesty is pretty clutch.
Q: How do you avoid wasting time on idiots?
A: Idiots?! They’re EVERYWHERE. Having a good friend (ahem She She) to reign you in when you’re dealing with an idiot (no matter how hot they are) is extremely helpful. Going into a relationship knowing what you want and expressing it is super helpful too. Idiots will weed themselves out.
Q: How do you approach a guy you find attractive first, without seeming desperate/annoying/creepy?
A: If you’re anything like me you don’t know how to be coy. You just walk right up and say “HI!” It works pretty well even if you aren’t blissfully brazen, try it!
Q: What are the top 3 qualities every woman should look for in a partner?
A: Yikes this is a tough one. Can this be top 30? Lol jk. My personal top 3 are:
Humor –life is too short to have a resting bitch face 24/7. If you don’t share the same humor, end it now.
Confidence (not cockiness)- you are a beautiful goddess that will be fawned over, this just comes with the territory. A confident partner can handle that. If your partner gets jealous easily, or even worse, intentionally tries to make you feel jealous or insecure (EW), end it now.
Compassion- if your partner is unaffected by a baby human or animal, they may be a serial killer. End it now!
Q: How do you avoid wasting time on idiots?
A: I think you need to date a series of idiots, it’s a right of passage and makes for great stories. Embrace it in the beginning, learn what you like/don’t like, then take no bs. One woman’s idiot-trash may be another woman’s idiot-treasure.
Q: How do you approach a guy you find attractive first, without seeming desperate/annoying/creepy?
A: I like to put it all on the table right away. Let your awkward/weirdness shine bright! Back in my day, I was a master at tinder (editor’s note: this is true). I could come up with some funny messages that were generally a hit. But that’s the thing with any social media platform, you can take your time to write the ‘perfect’ message. If you are not witty in person, don’t do this. You will be outed as a fraud as soon as you meet! Basically, be yourself. I know, it’s cliche af but you literally have nothing to lose. if he’s not interested, he probably has no interest in baby animals too and you just saved yourself from a serial killer.
Q: What are the top 3 qualities every woman should look for in a partner?
A: Someone that loves and supports you unconditionally, someone who makes you laugh, and someone whose bones you want to jump every time you see them 😉😉 can’t underestimate sexual chemistry!
Q: How do you avoid wasting time on idiots?
A: One person’s idiot is another person’s dream man! Can’t win em all, just gotta get out there and meet people and hope for the best!
Q: How do you approach a guy you find attractive first, without seeming desperate/annoying/creepy?
A: I literally have zero game and it’s a complete mystery to me how I am married today. I tried to hit on a guy in a bar once by offering to buy him a drink and he told me he “wasn’t thirsty”.
Q: What are the top 3 qualities every woman should look for in a partner?
A: 1. Someone with whom you can be unapologetically yourself around, and vice versa.
2. Someone who supports and inspires the power within you and isn’t intimidated by the miracle that is woman.
3. Big dick?
Q: How do you avoid wasting time on idiots?
A: Idiots tend to make themselves known pretty early on. Lying, not responding, bailing on plans with no warning, foolish excuses, saying a variety of stupid things like “do you like giving blowjobs?”— these are just a few of the many telltale signs of an idiot. Please don’t waste your time making excuses for them. Let’s say you meet a guy you get along with who doesn’t seem like an idiot; if he does something you don’t like or find disrespectful, call him out ALWAYS. Don’t worry about being looked at as a bitch. Be a bitch. Get to the point and ask him questions point blank or you’ll always be making excuses for him in your head, never fully figuring out if he’s someone you should or shouldn’t be wasting your time on (because at the end of the day even when he’s a good guy he’s still taking time away from your best friends, dog, cat, pizza, TV etc). If he runs for the hills because you’re being real, “BYE BITCH!” he turned out to be a scared idiot—the worst kind of idiot, in my opinion.
Q: How do you approach a guy you find attractive first, without seeming desperate/annoying/creepy?
A: Who gives a shit if a guy thinks you’re annoying or desperate or creepy? Maybe you’re all three of those things and even STILL he’d be lucky to have you. Go up to a guy and be yourself. Make a joke or buy him a drink or ask him about his watch or violently shove him making him drop everything he’s holding (including his girlfriend’s drink) and then point and laugh. My point is, it doesn’t matter. If a guy’s a douche, he’s going to be a douche to you and everyone else. Period. Don’t take shit too seriously. Be yourself. Be weird. Don’t settle for less. Have fun!
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received from your bestie? Tell me in the comments below!
Xo, She
